She Took Her Grandma Out of a Facility to Be Her Caregiver. Now the Duo Is a Hit on Social Media (Exclusive)

NEED TO KNOW

• Kris McCabe became her grandmother Mary’s full-time caregiver after witnessing her struggle with Alzheimer’s in a state-run care facility
• Kris documents her journey living with Mary on social media, amassing nearly 755K followers
• She says caregiving has given her purpose, improved her mental health, and helped her build a supportive online community

In 2016, Kris McCabe was in her early 30s, working as a bartender in Chicago when her beloved grandma, Mary, went into a nursing home. 

Mary had previously lived with Kris’ mother in Las Vegas after being diagnosed with dementia and eventually Alzheimer’s. 

When Mary’s condition progressed, the family decided to move her to a state-run care facility.

“It was so hard to watch her go — in a just a few months — from driving her car to having everything taken from her,” Kris, now 39, tells PEOPLE. “Even her identity, it seemed.”

One night over dinner, a friend suggested that Kris step in and care for Mary. 

“I was always the youngest and least established out of everybody in the family, so it seemed not possible,” Kris says. “But after that day, I called my mom and my sister, and they were like, ‘If Grandma would want to be with anyone, it would be with you.’ ”

The two had always had a close relationship, with Kris describing them as “best friends.” They shared a room until she was 3 years old. Kris also stayed with Mary as a teenager after her mom and one of her sisters moved across the country. 

“I lived with my grandma throughout my teen years, and then I went to college. When I graduated, she was my safe place to land,” Kris says. “My grandma’s been a spitfire her whole life — tough, independent, outspoken, fierce, but with a heart of gold. My grandma would literally do anything for anybody.”

Kris knew it was her turn to give back and decided to take on the challenge.

The care facility was sure the 29-year-old would fail.

“I remember leaving that office and the director was like, ‘We’ll probably see you back here in a few months, but good luck,’ ” she says. “And that stuck with me. It lit a fire in me to be like, ‘Who are you to tell us what our life is gonna look like?’ ”

That was 9 years ago, and Kris continues to be a full-time caregiver for Mary, now 88.

Along the way, Kris started sharing their journey on social media.

Her account, Life with Grams, started as a place to document what she was going through.

“At first, I was really isolated. I was trying to find people who understood,” she explains. “None of my friends really got what I was doing. They thought my cute little grandma was living with me and that was it.”

Today, she and Mary have 755K followers between Instagram and TikTok. The duo typically goes live on TikTok multiple times a day to show the highs and lows of everyday life as they navigate the progressive disease. 

While sharing their lives has enabled Kris to build a community of individuals who are impacted by dementia or Alzheimer’s, she does have critics. Some followers don’t agree with showing a person struggling with Alzheimer’s or dementia on camera without their consent. 

“The social media thing has been a blessing and a curse because I do have so many eyes on us, but it doesn’t equate to support,” Kris explains. 

“I think there is a delicate balance. I’m not saying every person with dementia should be documented in this capacity, but there’s also an understanding of the person you’re caring for,” Kris explains.

“Would they feel comfortable with this? And for me, that answer is yes. My grandma has always been open and honest. She was always like, ‘Let ‘em look! Let ‘em watch!’ She never felt shame in who she was.”

In fact, Mary’s own mother had Alzheimer’s, and she often told Kris before she got sick to make sure she was never forgotten. 

Recording her time with Mary is one way Kris has been able to do that. “These are things that I get to cherish. Yes, everyone loves my grandma now, but these are mine. These are my moments, and I’m so grateful to have them documented. I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to capture so many one-of-a-kind, priceless interactions because I’ve chosen to take that step of sharing. I’m proud of us. I know my grandma’s heart.”

She also believes Mary would be glad to know she is helping others. “The community we’ve built, the connections we’ve made… The knowledge we’ve been able to share has truly been worth every piece of backlash I’ve received.” 

Still, Kris admits that there’s no way to know how much Mary understands, or even if she knows her loved ones anymore.

“I wonder if she really knows it’s us or it’s just that the love we give, she gives back,” Kris ponders. “Her love for life has remained — I think partially because of how I’ve been able to engage with her and nurture her spirit.”

She encourages her followers to abide by one rule: “When a loved one starts to forget who they are, remind them who they were…. Give them the love they once gave you.” 

These days, even though Mary is mostly nonverbal, her “magnetic energy” shines through as Kris records their lives together. 

“The way I try to get through every day is to always focus on the positives and to notice the love that she still has to share and to notice the silly time she can still give,” Kris says. “I truly feel like her spirit has remained. She still wants to hug and kiss and love on everybody.” 

And while the love is clear, Kris admits that she wishes she could have a conversation with Mary. 

“She was the wisest woman in my life,” Kris said. “She had an answer for everything. She could guide you through any crisis. Obviously, that loss is so deep. I’ve kind of compartmentalized, trying not to focus on that too much because it will bring me too much pain.”

Kris says her decision to become Mary’s caregiver “changed my whole world.” 

“I have found purpose in so many areas,” she shares. “I have found something that I really excel at and have a good understanding of. My grandma nurtured me my whole life — she really was my safe place —and it’s such an honor to know that I’m giving that back to her.”